Infertility // The Beginning
I have written, erased and rewritten this blog over and over again for the last 6 months. To the point where I finished it, I gave it to my hubby to read, and he gave me some honest feedback. He said, “It is to carefully written, almost rehearsed, it doesn’t even sound like you anymore.” So here I am back again, to just stop, take a few breathes and try and write from my heart.
Chris and I have been dealing with Infertility for the last two years. I had been ready to have kids from the time I graduated, and Chris was almost 30, so we decided pretty fast after we got married that we wanted to start a family. We tried for about 6 months before I went to the Dr just for a general workup. From all basic outwards signs, I was healthy, so we decided to just keep trucking along and trying. I got a lot more serious about tracking everything ( and I seriously mean everything that you can track for ovulation. Basal temperature, ovulation test, etc. ) When you are trying to get pregnant, it is like a roller coaster each and ever month. You start with high hopes, you are ovulating, lets give it a try, 2 weeks of anticipation, waiting and then the dreaded period comes, you have a week of tears before you buck up and do it all over again the next month. I watched friends and family members get pregnant so easily and let me tell you, it’s a strange thing, an incredibly complex emotion to have where you are exceptionally happy for them, the announcement of a baby, a new life, it is always something to be celebrated. Yet at the same time you feel intense sadness for yourself and the child you dream of having. I just thought, ‘Why God, why would you give me such a desire to be a mother, if it isn’t meant to be, what is the purpose of this’ Something I still don’t know the answer to. I do however, know that God has already used this journey for us in many ways. It has strengthened our marriage, I love and adore Christopher Appel more and more each day. He has been a rock for me to lean on, even though I scare him with my many emotions, he takes it all in stride and continues to lead us as a family. God has also made me rely more on Him than I ever thought possible. He made me realize that He doesn’t go by my schedule for my life. ( and those of you know me, know that I LIVE by my schedule, so that is an insanely scary thing for me! ) He has had a plan for my life since before I was even in existence. Don’t get me wrong, this trust did not come naturally to me, I am human, I fought, I whined, I cried (a lot) before I gave up my perfect life plan and said Your will be done. ( If you have time you should listen to the song Thy Will Be Done by Hillary Scott. ) This is my survival guide for the rest of this journey. To trust God’s plan for my life, and to ask for His help each step of the way.
I don't have any answers for anyone who is going through this, we ourselves are just starting to seek help. 1 in 8 couples experiences infertility, that’s roughly 7 million people out there struggling with some version of what I am currently coping with as well. That is why I feel lead to share our story, especially during the waiting period, during the time where we have absolutely no idea where God is taking us yet. Who knows, we could get pregnant this month, or it may take a few years, we might be lead to adopt or chose to do IVF, at this point however, I am simply waiting. While I am waiting on my own journey I would love to pray for those of you going through your own journey to parenthood. If there is a way I can help you or something specific I can pray for you, please let me know, either in the comments below or email me them! firstname.lastname@example.org We serve a great and mighty God and prayer is a powerful tool that He gives us! I will continue to share my story as it unfolds, hopefully I can help and encourage you all along the way!